Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Hats Off, Mr. President

President Ahmadinejad, that is.

Surely it will be naïve to accept the official version that the release of the captured Brits owes much to the milk of human kindness flowing in Tehran. That sort of fairy tale is doled out for the consumption of rabid mullahs and peacenik hippies.

If you are the type who takes his Jim Beam straight and reads his Foreign Affairs armed with a yellow marker, you’d have seen through the charade even before the networks trotted out their experts. The Iranians buckled because Blair, with quiet fury, delivered the promise of an ass kicking that would have made Karbala look like a Sunday camel race.

Having determined the results of the battle, let’s look at the war, shall we? The Iranian leadership has been portrayed as craved maniacs filled with such irrational hatred of the west that quaint Cold War notions of deterrence are rendered completely inapplicable. This is why, the argument goes, their nukular ambitions must be halted at all costs.

What kind of craved maniac releases soldiers of Satan because Downing Street faxes over some choice Oxbridge expletives? Answer: probably the same kind that can keep their nukes in their pockets, to be used as bargaining chips and defensive last resorts, lest Tehran be returned to the stone age.

The Blair-Bush team would have secured a far greater PR victory if they deliberately botched the release and dragged out a hostage crisis. Instead, they swallowed the poison pawn, and handed Tehran the image it was seeking -- a tough but rational actor.

Mr. Ahmadinejad, welcome to the nukular club. Please hand your coat to the attendant and keep your slobbering kisses to yourself.

Poll (for the ladies only): bad boy or cutie pie?


Schadenfreude said...

Well, yeah. The incidence of actually insanely suicidal people rising to lead countries is pretty small, outside of a few remaining hereditary monarchies (goodbye, Nepal - hello, North Korea).

Even Hitler wasn't nuts.

sydbristow said...

simpler explanation: guy had started the "want me back?" phone calls ..

Gregor Samsa said...

Schad: On the other hand, once in power, sanity decays with a half-life of about 4 years, I believe. Good reason to have term limits, for dictators and elected folks alike.

Hiya, dave. You know civilization is doomed when they open a drive-thru window for hostage crises. We have forgotten how to enjoy life, it seems.

Dawn Coyote said...

Different animals: Bush and Blair are dogs and Ahmadinejad is a cat. He's just tricked them into chasing him into a wall.

Blogging takes some adjusting. You might want to redecorate, personalize the place a little.

Anonymous said...

Persians don't seem to have the stomach for torture and death like we do.

How many Western hostages have they taken and released unharmed again?

bite said...

oops, last comment was mine

Anonymous said...

It was Nancy Peloosi's appearance in Syria that did the trick for the Brits' release.

Let it not be said that there isn't a male who wouldn't relent with a Pelosi around.

Assad relayed through diplomatic pouch to Iran to let those Brits go free! He wanted to impress Pelosi with his power and close ties with Iran.

Now that is Pelosi Power!!!

TenaciousK said...

Gregor - nice post.

Schad - insanity is such a subjective term, isn't it?

DC: Divine ass? Could be a spoofed "porn" link.

Bite: the stories of Saddam's son seem pretty credible [not that I'm really inclined to believe anything I hear on the news these days].

Anon: Plausible impact, but only a minor one, I think. If the Iranians were really inclined to take a different tack, I have a hard time believing they wouldn't have.