Friday, March 30, 2007

Against Blogging

I love web people, but I hate bloggers. I believe the politically correct term is Autopublished Americans, but who cares? This is my living room, and I can say whatever the hell I please.

Bloggers can’t hold a regular posting job at any moderated message board. They have a problem with authority. You’ll find them prowling their own ghettoes, selling crackpot theories and producing illegitimate memelings by the thousands. They are organized in gangs whose members must constantly display loyalty and renew their links to each other. Huge swathes of the internet have been scorched by the ravages of gangland warfare of bloggers.

The other day I was surfing, and came across Mahmoud’s blog. Man, what a steaming pile of howling, incoherent, semi-literate invective against whatever cyber enemy this bloke is fighting at the moment:
We all deplore injustice, the trampling of people’s rights and the intimidation and humiliation of human beings. We all detest darkness, deceit, lies and distortion, and seek and admire salvation, enlightenment, sincerity and honesty… You know well that the US administration has persistently provided blind and blanket support to the Zionist regime, has emboldened it to continue its crimes, and has prevented the UN Security Council from condemning it.

I managed to trace his opponent to a blog called The White House, just as hilarious an outpouring of trash talking swagger and juvenile bravado. Don’t these creeps ever crawl out of their parents’ basement to see what’s going on in the world around them? I bet if you pulled them out of their safe cyber holes into daylight, all this flaming aggression will dissolve into whimpering submission. Pixel tigers, all.

15 comments:

topazz said...

I'm your first comment.

So, are we going with a theme here?

What I hate about bloggers:

when a blogger writes on his blog: "Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, I've been really busy..."

Dawn Coyote said...

Well, that's just depressing. Have you tried dooce? She's the Pearl Jam of the blogging world.

Pixel tigers? I KNEW that was you!

Gregor Samsa said...

Well ladies, thanks for showing up at the launch of my media empire. Following recent fray custom, I kiss your shoes.

I am too greedy not to explain my jokes. The post was a Chris Rock riff. Here is the original (and better) version.

Btw, Nan is a keeper.

Catnapping said...

That's why I draw little pictures on my blog. Someone says "incoherent?" I say "esoteric."

Schadenfreude said...

Oh, sure - upstage me again.

I am so stealing "Autopublished Americans", except I'm hyphenating it. So there.

Dawn Coyote said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dawn Coyote said...

I'm thinking of how I might do a comparative post on , but I'm afraid to step in it with my glass slippers.

Dawn Coyote said...

that should have read: blah blah post on shoe politics, but I'm afraid, etc.

(fine in preview. dunno what happened. same thing on topazz's blog earlier this week. sorry for messing up your nice comments)

Gregor Samsa said...

Schad: Moi? Upstage toi? I am afraid the pastor's wife has already accomplished that.

But I have resolved to beat you financially. Coming soon: porn links.

Dawn: Which wave came up with the strategy "Castrate by drawing all the blood to the brain"?

Schadenfreude said...

Beat me financially? Talk someone into buying you a cup of coffee (at Dunkin Donuts - no need to splurge on a Starbucks).

Ummmmm....pornnnn...

Dawn Coyote said...

Gregor: Twisty's sharp, but no match for your virile tiger-suited self, I'm sure. Still, I apologize if the link caused a momentary loss of, um, bearing.

Gregor Samsa said...

Btw Dawn, thx for the Wiki invite.

Keifus said...

I hate bloggers too, or at least everybody outside my gang. Nice to see you on the dark side, bitch.

Dawn Coyote said...

yr wlcm. It wasn't I, actually, that took the final step, but we admins act as one, so consider us thanked.

Nan is indeed a keeper. Have you read the post on her blog about her fondness for practical jokes? She certainly is, as Schad said, sassy.

TenaciousK said...

Mmmmm. Samsamelia.